Well, now. It's been yet again some time since I have blogged, but don't worry. This site is never going to die. Due to my creative juices fluxating at forever changing and random intervals, some days I have it, and other weeks I am a dead weight with many a lazy and one eyed brain cell. Please note I have no idea why they are one-eyed, but I always pictured the physical appearance of my brain cells to be sort of like jealatinous pink and purple and blue globs with 1 eye, and possibly some sharp teeth.
For this blog I would like to talk about child developement. Or rather, *my* children's developement.
I recieved an email in my inbox this afternoon (duh) from a relative of mine whom pretty much is the self appointed "guardian" of the family, at least on my father's side. With this being said, she is one of those in between elder people. Not old enough to the point where she can say whatever the hell she wants to and it's endearing of people just brush it off. But just old enough that she thinks that her opinion should be held in the upmost priority and that we can and should all adhear to her words and listen to her wisdom.
With all of that being said..... there is no wisdom. She comes from a rich, broken family. Upper class white lawyer wife who's life is seemingly fantastic to anyone with less than a good amount of money in this economy, but to anyone who knows the family thoroughly and listens to her hardened hearted and bitter critisims they know better. Damn, dude. Didn't Grandma love on you as a kid?
The answer is no.
But anyway, we only speak or see each other on the big holidays, like thanksgiving and christmas. Yeah, that's right. CHRISTmas. So sue me. She's an ok relative, I love all her kids and have always looked up to them greatly. But as I have gotten older and maade my own, very out of the box, life choices, I seem to have dwindled her support into mere broken dreams of what SHE expected me to be. No. I'm not talking about my Mom. Who, btw, is fucking amazing.
Again, I digress. She sent me an email today that started out as what I thought a pleasant older person's advice on a subject. Children watch too much TV. I agree completely. Growing up I watched maybe an hour and a half of TV at the very most. I woke up, had breakfast, did school work, played out side, came in, ate lunch (some times i watched tv while i did this) most of the time we ate at the table and talked as a family (gasp) had a nap, woke up, played out side, ate a snack outside, came in for dinner, as always at the table, had a bath, book, songs sung, bed time.
My children right now are leading a different childhood. We live in a 1 bedroom apartment. The den is taken by my brother, and our dining room is taken by a family of 3. We have no table. No chairs. We have 1 sofa, a table top stand with a TV on it, and 1 bookshelf. That is our living room. We eat, nap, play, read, watch TV, talk, fight, do laundry, clean and entertain company in our living room. I am a stay at home mom and I have a 3 month old and a 19 month old. Their routein looks like this. Wake up, have breakfast while Uncle watches them and takes Daddy to work. Mommy comes home an hour later and the 19 month old plays, mommy nurses the baby then plays too. Some times Mommy doses while nursing baby, but the room is completely child proof and if I need mommy I am not shy to scream her name. Have lunch, get dressed, take Uncle to work. Come home, have a nap. Wake up, have snack. After snack play the rest of the evening until we have to pick Daddy up. Then we pick up Uncle while we're out. Then at 9 30 pm we come home. Have dinner, get in pjs, and go to sleep.
Most days I choose to take my children out of our one room wonderland. We go to the mall and we run and play and some times I spoil us by getting Auntie Anne's prestzles and a juice. We go to my friends house all the way out in Lovettes ville. We visit people at work, we run and do errands, some times we just play out side on the play ground. But truthfully, unless we're out of hte house, the TV in our house is playing ALL. THE. TIME.
You know what I've learned? That a substance, anything at all, that is controled and told how to be used, becomes more desired. My brother and I were pretty obsessed with TV. I love TV. Granted we didn't fuss or fight over it, we loved playing outside... but when it got turned on we were glued and always wanted to watch more. In my teen years my mom didnt really give a crap. We were older and made most of our own decisions. I never watched TV. Ever. Because I knew it was there when ever I needed or wanted it. I could play outside, talk online, paint my nails, take 5 hours in the shower, and then I was done....the TV would still be available. I didnt miss my small window of oprotunity. And because I knew it wasn't "now or never"... I never needed it.
Same with my kids. My daughter will all together watch maybe 2 hours of TV a day. ThatsGabba Gabba" and she'll shut up and be quiet for the whole 30 minutes but you know what she's doing?........she's making the crayons talk to each other. She's singing along with the songs on the TV. shes colouring, drawing, tearing up the paper and making the paper bits talk to each other. She knows TV isn't a controled substance in our house hold, and as such, she feels no desire to constantly have it.
My relative then goes on to say how too much TV, if I let my kids watch it, will kill their aspirations and discourage them from chasing down goals. That they will grow listless, restless, and stupid. Funny. Out of the TV that my child does watch, she has learned to dance, "shake", play simon says, she's learned hundreds of words, she's learned how to count along, and she's learned her vowels..........she is a year and a half old. Daddy and I are constantly counting, singing, clapping, encouraging her dancing, her drawing and so on and so forth, but she also does it along with the TV. She doesn't seem to be rude, fat, lazy, or unimaginative at all. If anything, she's perky and energetic on her most off days. And we have TV on all the time. I let her choose what she wants to do, but I encourage healthy behavior, and she follows Mommy's example, not TVs.
My relative then starts talking about how the true successfullness of a child cannot be determined until they are at least 30, and have chosen a career to master. That unless they go to college and train for this career, they are less of a person, less of a member of society, and less of a success.
I'm sorry, Excuse me? Did you just dis me? My family? My kids? My choices? Oh, yes. yes you did.
I never went to college. I received an invitation from the Coquran of Fine Arts in D.C. when I was 16, telling me that when I was of age they would love it if I atteneded. It wasn't a scholarship.. it was them saying "we want you". It might have turned into a scholarship, but I was much too young to live on my own in D.C..
Instead of college, although I still plan on going,I decided to work, save money, get a place to live, a car, a boyfriend, and unexpectedly ended up with 2 kids. Chances at school? Still just as good as ever. Even though this relative holds the entire family's pocket book, she has never offered to help me in any way. She has bconstantly looked down her nose towards my efforts to make my own life the way I want it and I resent her for it. Not going to sugar coat it. I hate her for it. She is insinuating that I am A - still not old or mature enough to know that my choices effect "the familys reputation" and that I have fucked up big time and B - I didn't go to college, so I am never going to be able to go anywhere with my life. Nor will my brother, nor my fiance.
My children are not successful to the family unless they correct my mistakes and go to college themselves and turn into clones of the corporate America. Screw that. Here is what I posted on my FB status earlier in a blind fit of rage:
Got an email from my **** about how letting children watch tv will instill in them rebellion and lenient ways. They will not or want to reach aspirations or goals. She also says that the success of a child that you raise won't be determined until their at least 30 with their chosen career path sets in. Oh I'm sorry, my kids have to be corporately careered to be successful?! Its also a slap in my face because she is insinuating that since I am A-not older and B - didn't train for a career at college that I am less successful. This is the biggest crock of bullshit anyone has ever said to me. There is no age appropriate to determine "successfulness". It is entirely how you live your life, from start to finish, and for me and my family, it is about how we direct ourselves spiritually and morally. If my daughter wants to grow up to be a stripper, she better be the best damned stripper there is. If my son wants to become a nomad and commune with nature at its purest, I will tell him to visit me every year to teach me what he's learned! My children are a success to me every single day every time they learn, or rather teach me how smart they are. Screw you*****.
It's true. in my family and the way we are raising our children, ANYTHING, /ANYTHING/, they want to do or be as long as they put all their effort into it, is successful to me. My 1 1/2 year old is successful to me now, every time she learns a new word, shows me how high she has taught herself to jump, done a puzzle, kissed her brother, or ate all her veggies with out fighting me. My son is successful to me every time I see that he's learned a new sound, he now knows who we are by sight and sound instead of smell and instinct, he can sit up anstands with help and he can turn his head and follow you with his eyes. He laughs and smiles and is learning how to hold things by himself. I learn more from my children than they learn from me. That's the way it should be.
So forgive me for saying, relative of mine, but take all your rich, trash talk of corporate
America and shove it in your pooper!
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